Safety
Safety!
“In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.”
Psalms 4:8 NIV
Safety. God has been talking to me about the need for people to be safe and “feel safe.” In Psalms 4:8, King David talks to God, with Whom he had a deep, intimate relationship. They had been talking with each other for years. Thus David knew he had peace and safety with God. Some of the areas we have walked through recently are shared below. There are four significant points.
- Safety and Felt Safety
We have a daughter whom we adopted two years ago and who has lived with us for almost four years now. We were her 11th placement in the foster care system, so she has had a lot of nights without peace and around unsafe people. A while back, she spent the night at another home. After returning home the next day, she said, “Mom, our home is so peaceful.” She could feel the safety of the presence of God.
As the parent of a thirteen-year-old who has come from hard places, we are cautious about ensuring safe people surround her. When we are out and about, she will sometimes stand right by me or grab her dad’s hand. She is safe. We are right there, but something or someone has made her feel unsafe. Our job as parents is to keep her safe and to make sure that she “feels safe.”
She has just been walking with Jesus for a few years now, and it’s more of a tip-toeing with Jesus and people as she is learning trust. We don't try to force her to trust Him; she has just started (most of the time) trusting us, parents she can see. Her faith is growing, and God is with her. Until she knows it, we are with her. Well, even after she knows it, we will be with her.
Here are a few journal challenges for us:
Ask ourselves, am I a safe place, and do I make sure those around me “feel safe?”
In what way do I make others feel safe?
Can you think of someone or somewhere where you haven’t felt safe?
Do you need healing in the area of trusting God to bring peace and keep you and or your children safe?
- Safety of Wise Counsel
“Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is SAFETY in having many advisers.” Proverbs 11:14 NLT
I’ve been reading (listening to on Audible) a book called The Body Keeps the Score. In it, there are dozens of references to children and lack of safety. Since our adopted daughter has come from hard places, and my childhood (ACE score 7) was also traumatic, this book has been enlightening in many areas. One of which is the importance of getting counsel and therapy.
One thing we have done with our daughter that I didn’t have in my life until my mid-thirties is what it says in Proverbs 11:14, “there is safety in having many advisers.” Other scriptures say “wise counsel.” She has parents available 24/7 (she is still building connection and trust with us), she has a sister who is 30 years old and two older sister’s-in-love, as well as three adult brothers and a brother-in-love. All of whom love her fiercely and advise her frequently. Her grandparents talk with her every week. She has a dear pastor and his wife who check on her weekly and pray for her. Her therapist is a wonderful Christian woman who has been a foster parent, and she’s adopted. Her school principal and vice principal speak truth and life to her regularly too. We need community (I’m so thankful for mine), as that's where we find WISE counsel and many advisers.
Our responsibility as mothers and caregivers is to keep our children and any children in our care safe; body, soul, and spirit. Surround your children with wise, godly advisors—people who see who your child can be and speak to that person.
Here are a few journal challenges for us:
Do I have a written list of the people who are wise counselors for my children?
Who do I have that speaks wisdom and truth when I need it?
What are some things I see in my child that I need to start speaking to?
- There is Safety in Stability
“Therefore, my beloveds, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord...1 Corinthians 15:58a ESV
Be steadfast. Some translations say “strong and immovable or stand firm, stable and enduring.” Stability and steadfastness are so important in parenting. They promote feelings of safety.
Inconsistency breeds chaos.-
Dr. Van Der Kolk
I grew up in a home that floundered in chaos as we tossed about depending on moods and circumstances. There wasn't much running to the door when a parent got home as you never really knew what you would get. My mom's second husband would always (I mean always) close the drapes and lock the doors. He thought someone was going to steal our stuff. I remember getting in trouble a few times for accidentally leaving doors unlocked. I don't recall feeling safe in our home growing up. I’m sure I was safe, but my parents had created fear that made me feel unsafe.
A few weeks back, my daughter came home from school and was very concerned about our country. One of her classmates had told her how horrible our President was and he was ruining our country. Food would soon be hard to find and then cost too much, people were losing their jobs, and we soon wouldn't have gas for our cars. My daughter is in the 8th grade. This isn't like well-researched college students; it was a classmate echoing the fear she had heard at home. (Side note-I did not vote for our current President, but he is my President and the Bible is clear on honoring and praying for him) Our kids need to feel safe in our country. At 13 years old, lip gloss and acne should be their concerns. It's ok to let them keep their innocence as long as possible. Let children enjoy the safety that should be felt in our homes.
My generation is one of sarcasm and putdowns. We were raised on TV shows like Archie Bunker and Roseanne, where the more hateful you were, the better the ratings. Sarcasm and joking are not the same things; look them up. If joking is at someone else's expense, that is sarcasm, and you are not a strong or safe person. Families, especially, should be sarcasm-free, as our homes should be a sanctuary.
As parents, it's our job to keep our children safe, body, soul, and spirit. Let’s make sure we are creating atmospheres at home that are stable and steadfast so our children can be safe and feel safe.
Here are a few journal challenges for us:
I need to do some self-reflection and honestly appraise my stability. Do I think I’m stable?
Does my spouse, or maybe a close friend or pastor view me as a stable person?
What changes do I need to make, so my family feels safe and stable?
- Set a Guard for Safety
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”
Proverbs 4:23 NLT
Another translation-
“So above all, guard the affections of your heart, for they affect all that you are. Pay attention to the welfare of your innermost being, for from there flows the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23 TPT
I’ve rewritten this post several times. It’s so important I wanted to make sure it was what God wanted to say, especially as this post will be the last of this blog series on Safety. As moms and caregivers, our first responsibility is to keep children safe; body, soul, and spirit. Seriously so important!
As we are momming our children when they are babies and preschoolers, it is easier to monitor what goes into their little hearts. When they get a little older, we must teach them the importance of guarding their hearts and why. Not like laws but because we want to honor God and we want to keep the “wellspring of life flowing out of us clean.” Too much religion will keep their soul clean, but it will strangle their spirit. Guide them in listening to the Holy Spirit and honoring God. A strangled spirit might rebel when they grow up.
One time we were at the mall shopping, wandering in and out of stores, sometimes aimlessly. We approached and started to walk into one of those dark novelty gift stores. My daughter, who was about 15 years old at the time, stopped right in her tracks. She said, “I can’t go in there.” I shook out of my shopping stupor and noticed the store, and felt the same thing. She was guarding her heart, a wise girl (she still is).
Are we setting the example ourselves? Are we excited about sports or shopping but not church? Are we guarding our hearts with the music we listen to or shows we watch? Do our kids hear us trash-talking about a pastor or leader or gossiping? One time I was speaking at a conference and said, “When you talk bad about a pastor or church in front of your kids, you are poisoning their spirits. It’s like what giving them a glass of arsenic would be to their bodies, but it’s their spirits.” I don’t know about your kids, but mine always heard everything, especially the things I didn’t think they could hear, LOL. Let’s make sure we are guarding our hearts too, mommas.
Here are a few journal challenges for us:
What am I allowing in the hearts of my children?
Do I need to clean up any poison of gossip or trash-talking?
How clean is the wellspring of my life? How clean is my home?
This blog is just a small representation of all the areas in that safety is important. These are more spiritual and geared toward keeping the soul and spirits of our children protected and innocent (for as long as possible). There is an enormous amount of information available on body safety. Things like fire drills, saying NO (loudly and firmly) when inappropriately touched, intruder training, drug awareness, anti-smoking, and so on are right at your fingertips. God created us body, soul, and spirit. We must keep all three aspects SAFE!!